i’m writing this from a porta potty at 1:02 am, because on my way here I realized something I can’t let myself forget.
I slept inside for the first night in three weeks tonight. (because of storms). It’s wonderful. I didn’t realize how much I missed air conditioning until I woke up without my hair sticking to my sweaty face. I feel like a princess!! Anyways, as I walked out of the building on my way to these delightful restrooms, I realized it was pouring. The rain was hitting the tin roof of the building so loud I wondered how I couldn’t hear a thing inside. Rain is beautiful, however it can be quite stressful when it has the power to ruin all of your belongings and gear for the next 9 months. A couple of my squad mates can attest to the wreckage a couple of rainstorms can cause.
Tent poles are unsteady and unreliable. A tent will last in a rainstorm for a while, however eventually it will become worn down some way or another and you will have to find a new place to stay. A life without God means no source of greater purpose. It means living in a world and not having a steady connection with the creator of it. Much like living in a tent means relying on thin tent poles, and paper thin walls that do not connect to a greater base. A solo standing tent, that stands on its own when the world decides it needs some water. Eventually, when your tent collapses you will likely try to find a new form of shelter.
On the search for better shelter you come across a beautifully lit up bright green porta potty. It’s comforting. The rain can’t get you in there. However, it’s pounding aggressively on the thin plastic roof. Through the cracks on the floor you can see the tiny rivers of water flowing underneath. Eventually, the rain will find a way in. The comfort of that porta potty won’t last long. oh, and it smells too…
I’m safe in this porta potty, I’m afraid to run through the rain to try and find something better. If I can’t find something better, then I’d be giving up my only form of shelter to run alone into what I’ve been hiding from. I feel fine in this porta potty, why would I search for something greater?
Why wouldn’t I? If it exists, or if there’s even a chance of something better, why wouldn’t I try to find that? Anyone would be able to tell that this rectangular box is not meant to be a permanent dwelling. So, I leap. And oh boy, what I found… It’s beautiful.
Right next door, there’s a beautiful air conditioned, rain proof, storm proof, sturdy, building. Here, you can rest your eyes without worry that you will wake up to water dripping on your face, or even to the sound of the rain. Here safety and comfort surrounds you even when outside the building is nothing but chaos. This building brings peace and a comfort your tent didn’t allow you to believe in.
My existence without God is unsteady and unreliable because I do not have purpose in that existence. Eventually, my own two feet will become too weak to hold me up against the trials of this world. I begin to search for greater purpose, because our souls long for it. Tents are amazing, however they do not last forever, let me tell ya!
When I came upon the porta potty it looked like a pretty good shelter. I began to rely on a building that has also has cracks and will eventually let the rain in. I know there’s a better building out there, but I don’t want to give this one up to get there. I knew there was a God, however I was able to find comfort in the things of this world, so I didn’t see the point in fully giving my life to Him. I felt like I didn’t need His comfort because I could find it in the things and people of this earth. But, those people are broken too and those things are temporary. I began to see the rain seeping through the cracks-so I decided to search for something better.
God, you give me a comfort I had no idea I was missing until I knew you. Nothing in this world makes me feel a greater sense of purpose and peace than You do. Your love is overwhelming and makes me feel like a daughter of the King. A princess. I was standing in a porta potty and I thought that was good shelter when you were here this whole time? I wish I searched for You sooner. I wish I ran to you first when my unsteady tent of purpose and existence collapsed. But, I didn’t, and that’s ok. But boy am I glad i’m here now. And I get to wake up in this peace every. single. morning. Yeah… You’re good alright.
Glad to hear you are doing well. Are you still in US? Its crazy how and when you come closer to God and realize how lucky you are to be a part of this adventure and life long experience of memories and realizations that you will make, and sacrafices you will make in time to come. Stay safe my worker bee and enjoy the moments that you have to appreciate the rest of your life. God bless and be safe.
Love this peyt!
You just continually amaze me and make me cry — a good kind of crying. I am so very proud of you and the person you are becoming. You are realizing more and more why you are in this world and what you are meant to do. God HAS been good to you, and He does hold you safely in the palm of His hand. When I was a little girl we used to sing a song in Sunday school about why am I here in this big old world and what does God want me to do — there is a reason for everything, a reason for me and for you. You are finding your reason!
Beautiful! And I really appreciate that you paused right where you were to record these inspired thoughts. Stay safe and well, friend. Glad to be following your journey!
Peyton, words can’t express how proud I am of you, an oh you have such an amazing way with words. You just amaze me, and I strive to have a relationship with God like you do. I love you !
Peyton, I love this analogy! You’re living with your eyes wide open and seeking God, His ways, His Presence in all of life’s circumstances. I think I might need to ask Him where in my life I am “dwelling in a porta-potty’ when He has safe, better shelter for me just a few feet away. Thanks for sharing your insight! Praying for all of Squad H as you settle in there in Louisiana.
(Katherine’s Mama)